GOTY LIFE

WAR BULLETIN 004 / OPERATION PANTRY FREEDOM
Breaking Dispatch · The Flour Front

RED ARMOUR LOST ON THE FLOUR FRONT

The mission was simple: save the Italian Caputo flour before the Moth Kingdom could claim it.

High Command ordered the reserves converted into dough and evacuated to the freezer. Standard procedure calls for one kilogram of flour per batch. The red KitchenAid, a veteran of countless campaigns, was deployed to knead.

It did not survive the first batch.

Casualty report

• Unit: Red KitchenAid stand mixer
• Assignment: Rescue Italian Caputo flour
• Evacuation plan: Knead dough in 1 kg batches; freeze for safekeeping
• Last transmission: First batch still in progress
• Current status: No longer kneading
• Cause of failure: Under investigation

The flour was supposed to be rescued. Instead, we have opened a second front: the recovery of heavy equipment.

We came to save the dough. We lost the machine.

Generał Chrząszcz has requested an assessment of remaining kneading capacity. The Moth Kingdom has issued no comment, although celebrations are suspected.